The worst day...

I know this is going to come off selfish but at this point that's the last thing on my mind. Last night I had to say goodbye to my husband once again and for people who say it gets easier it doesn't. My first instinct is honestly to withdrawal into myself. Normal conversation seems so hard when half my heart has been torn from my chest and I have no clue where he is or of he's ok. As most of you know Dutch is deploying for 9 months Afghanistan. And the hardest part for me is how much of the kids lives he's going to miss. Katie will probably be starting to walk by the time he gets home and Bella our sweet Bella will be almost 3! And our boy Anthony will be starting the 1st grade! And yes I know when we agreed that the military was the best option for our family that this was a possibility but again the reality of it happening no matter how much I've prepared myself for it doesn't make it easier. And if I said I wasn't scared outta my mind I'd be lying. So many things happen while families are separated and him being in danger will stress me out till his boots are back on US soil. Nothing about this is routine or normal and honestly I can't wait for us to be done and back in FL.

Preparing for the Big D

So here we are one short month away from deployment. While we knew this was a possibility it doesn't make it any easier. Knowing Dutch will be gone for 9 months and missing so much of Katie's first year and all of the holidays and Anthony's birthday again this year really stinks. There's so many emotions to deal with and it's honestly madness how to explain to the kids why daddy has to be gone for so long. And if the unthinkable happens how could I ever explain that or even deal with that. So many things to think about and stress over. But deep down I know all will be well and he will come home safe to his family and we will keep busy so the time passes quickly.